i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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