i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
