i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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