I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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