I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
