Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
