I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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