At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
