Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
