wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
