YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
