Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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