honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
