Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.