in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
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I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...