Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"