another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process