Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.