How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
