My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
