2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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