nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
