That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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