my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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