You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize