Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
