I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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