I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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