cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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