You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
