You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
