Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
