He uses pillows to masturbate.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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