Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
