She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
