alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize