I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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