allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
