I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The maid of honor just puked.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
