It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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