how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
