you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize