there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
