this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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