Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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