I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
