You're completely useless in the revolution.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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