the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
