saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize