Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
