He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I cut my penus on the lid.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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