and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize