CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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