Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
