Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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