Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
