it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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