Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
