so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
