Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
