You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
