I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
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Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
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I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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