He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
