last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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