omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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