I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
