I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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